Remembering Rose (Mapleby Memories Book 1) Read online

  I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time being angry, Arthur.

  Chapter Sixteen

  By the time Robbie arrived for coffee the following day I had rationalized the guilt I felt at not finding Leah enough to keep me stimulated, and was already making plans. He sensed the difference as soon as he stepped into the kitchen and deposited a paper bag containing two currant buns onto the table.

  “You look full of the joys of spring. Has something happened?”

  “Yes, I’m about to become a working woman again.”

  He listened while I explained, and made noises of approval. Then he shrugged when I very belatedly thanked him for securing the shop window the previous evening. “I had the wood and the tools, so it didn’t take very long. Besides, I had nothing else to do.”

  I nodded and then prattled on about the benefits of my new life and how seeing Millie’s boys every day would be good for Leah too. It took me a while but eventually I realized that his heart wasn’t in it so I stopped wittering and asked him what was wrong.

  He shrugged again. “Nothing much. Just someone I was hoping to see has sent word she’s cancelling her visit to Mapleby yet again.”

  “A girl?” I was jolted right out of my self absorption.

  When he nodded I wondered why I had ever thought there was a chance of anything developing between us given that I was married with a baby and he was more than a bit of a hunk. Someone who looked like Robbie probably left a string of girls behind whenever he signed yet another building contract and moved to yet another town. I tried to remember where he had been working immediately before he came to Mapleby and realized I had never been interested enough to find out. Ashamed, I put my own problems to one side and asked him.

  He stared morosely into this coffee mug, swirling the dark liquid to and fro. “London, and then before that Spain and before that the Caribbean. I could go on but you’d be bored.”

  Something clicked in my mind and before I could stop myself I blurted it out. “You came here to find Ella, didn’t you?”

  He sighed. “Is it really that obvious? Yes, I’m here for Ella. I thought she would come to Mapleby to see her Dad, and that when she did I could put things right between us. It wasn’t until I talked to you that day at the pub that I realized she has more or less given up on him, too, although with less reason as far as I can see. I’m nothing if not an optimist though, so I’ve taken to eating there most evenings just in case she turns up, so when Tom told me she was coming next weekend I started to prepare myself for the confrontation we are bound to have. Then, yesterday, he told me she’s cancelled again. That’s how I know she isn’t coming. He’s really cut up about it you know, mostly because he has no idea why she’s stopped visiting. I feel much the same and I guess you do too.”

  Remembering how close Ella and I had been as children, and then as teenagers, I felt a pang of guilt. I’d let her down the same as I’d let Daniel down. Every time I sent her an email or a text message, it had been all about me. I had never asked her about her life, never asked her why she didn’t come home. I had just assumed it was because Mapleby was boring compared to her new life, and that I was boring as well. I had chosen to feel neglected instead of worried. One glance at Robbie’s miserable face made me decide it was time I started to think about other people again.

  “When did you last see her?” I asked.

  “In London when I asked her to marry me.”

  “I suppose she turned you down?”

  He shook his head. “Not exactly, she just put on her coat and called a taxi. It took her straight to the airport and the next thing I knew she was working on a film set in Monaco.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “I fired off a whole string of angry voice messages that I regretted as soon as I pressed send.”

  I felt his pain because I knew how easily I could have done the same to Daniel. Hesitating, I chose my next words carefully. “Am I right in thinking that you still want to marry her?”

  He nodded. “More than anything, but I can see it won’t work. Ella is already married to her job. I faced up to that when she ignored my messages and then blocked my phone calls. Not that I really blame her because I said some pretty hurtful things, things that I want to take back, which is why I looked for a job in Mapleby.”

  “So finding out that one of your ancestors has connections with the village is pure coincidence?”

  He nodded again. “It’s made the waiting more bearable though, and you have too, Rachel. Your friendship means more than you’ll ever know. Without you my life in Mapleby would be very bleak indeed.”

  “So I just imagined you were flirting with me, did I?” I couldn’t keep the chagrin out of my voice.

  He grinned, and suddenly he was sexy Robbie again. “Not entirely, because you are very pretty and old habits die hard.”

  I gave him a despairing look. “You might enjoy flirting, Robbie Parker, but one day it will get you into serious trouble. And another thing, why didn’t you tell me about Ella as soon as you realized who I was. That day in the pub when you learned I was Rachel Pavalak, the friend she often talked about, you almost said something didn’t you?”

  “Yes, but then Daniel said you had more or less lost touch, so I changed my mind. Besides, it didn’t seem right to open up to strangers.”

  “Well I’m not a stranger any more am I, so tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I want to see Ella almost as much as you do, and her Dad needs to see her more than both of us.”

  * * *

  I spent the rest of the day planning and by the time Daniel arrived home I knew what I was doing for the rest of the week. First though, I had to share it all. I was never going to keep anything except the most trivial things from him ever again, except for Rose. I was never going to tell anyone about Rose.

  After he had tucked Leah into bed and we had eaten our supper, I led him out into the garden, and while we rocked side-by-side on the double swing he had fixed up when we first bought the cottage, I told him almost everything I knew about my family, the history of the nursing home, and Robbie’s relationship with Ella. By the time I finished he was totally bemused.

  “Why didn’t you tell me all this earlier?”

  “Because I was too busy being angry,” I said. “Besides I’ve only just begun to piece everything together, and Robbie didn’t tell me about Ella, I guessed.”

  “But what about his connection with your family?”

  “That came out of the blue when his mother discovered where he was working.”

  “So now I suppose you want to get him and Ella back together.”

  I nodded. “I don’t know how, though. I could start bombarding Ella with messages but if I did she would probably guess I had an ulterior motive after such a long silence.”

  “Maybe you could tell her Tom is ill.”

  I looked at him in alarm. “He isn’t, is he?”

  “Not so you’d notice because he never complains, but his arthritis is so bad now that he can’t change the barrels on the beer pumps any more. I’ve done a few for him, and so have his other regulars, but soon he’ll have to employ a full time barman to help him.”

  A memory of Rose’s thin hands sprang to my mind, along with the painful nodules on Arthur’s fingers, which I’d barely noticed at the time but which had somehow become part of my memory. They had had their love to sustain them though, despite Rose’s best attempts at destroying it, whereas Tom had nothing. I was suddenly filled with determination.

  “In that case it’s about time she learned a few home truths.”

  * * *

  I sent Ella an email the following morning. I made it as casual as possible, filling it with news about Leah and bringing her up to date with village gossip. I even told her about my plan to go back to work part time. I didn’t mention Tom until the end and even then I kept it light, merely remarking on the fact that he now had to rely on his customers to keep the beer barrels full. I didn’t mention Robbie either. I
just told her that a builder was renovating the house next to our cottage.

  Then I called Ma and told her I was coming to lunch. I wasn’t sure how pleased she would be to see me given our brief contretemps about Grandma, so I didn’t give her an option. She sounded fine about it though, and when Leah and I arrived, hot from our long trek up the dusty path leading to the farm, the table was laid and there was an appetizing aroma coming from a pan on the hob.

  “It’s only soup,” she said. “But you can fill up with cheese if it’s not enough.”

  I kissed her, handed Leah over to Pa, who doted on her more than the rest of his grandchildren put together although he tried very hard not to show it, and sat down with a sigh of relief. During lunch we chatted about mundane things while Leah, able to sit up now as long as she had the security of a cushion behind her, amused herself playing with a set of brightly colored plastic beakers. I didn’t introduce the real meaning of my visit until we had finished eating and Ma was brewing a pot of tea.

  “Have you ever heard of the Trayner family?” I asked, ever so casually.

  Ma didn’t even turn round. “They’re Grandma’s distant relatives. I think the connection is through your Great-Great-Aunt May, Granny Rose’s sister. I thought you were supposed to be the expert on family history nowadays Rachel, not me.”

  I defended myself even though I didn’t actually care. “I’ve found out quite a lot from Rose’s diaries and from the photos, but it’s difficult to get further without surnames.”

  “I suppose so,” she pushed a mug of tea across the table towards me and lowered herself into a chair on the opposite side of the table, her face creased with the effort of remembering. “I can remember Grandma saying that May had a little girl very late in her married life when her other children were almost grown. Her name was Sarah and I’m sure she married someone called Matthew Trayner. She inherited Riverside House when May and her husband died because by then she was the only one left. Both her older sisters succumbed to the 1918 influenza epidemic, and her brothers were killed during the Great War.”

  An unexpected coldness seeped through me despite the summer heat. It was followed by a feeling of deep shame. The complaints I had about my own life were nothing compared to something so terrible. “I didn’t know.”

  Ma shrugged. “No reason why you should because it was all a very long time ago. As far as I can remember, Sarah and her husband lived at Riverside until their children grew up, and then they upped sticks and moved to London.”

  “And sold the estate to the council, who eventually sold it to Southern Care Homes Limited, who demolished it and built the nursing home Grandma is in.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “So you worked that out, then?”

  “Only because one of the nurses told me that an old Mr. Trayner had once owned the land the nursing home is on now. I had no idea we were related to him.” I certainly wasn’t going to tell her I had seen May and Rose in the garden with their children. The thought prompted another question, though.

  “What about Rose’s children? Did they all survive the war?”

  “As far as I know they did. Robert, her son, was training to be a doctor when it started and he went to the front as soon as he qualified and spent two years patching up the wounded, poor devil, but he survived. Her daughters survived too. Molly, who was Grandma’s mother, married her sweetheart as soon as he came home from the front, but Joyce was a spinster because there weren’t enough men to go round by the end of the war.”

  I hid the relief I felt that at least Rose and Arthur had been spared the grief of losing a child, by asking another question. “And what about Robert’s children? I know Molly was Grandma’s mother, but what about Robert? Did he marry and have a family too?”

  For a moment Ma looked blank then she remembered. “Yes, he did. He married someone called….um…Celia, that’s it. Celia. She came from somewhere near Devon so he bought into a practice down there and spent the rest of his life as a country doctor.”

  “And did he visit Granny Rose? Did he keep in touch with her?”

  She stared at me. “Why ever wouldn’t he? Of course he kept in touch and his children did too. Grandma played with them when she was small. I remember her telling me how excited she was whenever her cousins visited from Devon, not that either of us are going to remind her about it now. Do you hear me, Rachel? I don’t want you to say another word to her about Rose ever again.”

  I took no notice of course. How could I when I still had to unravel the complications of our family even if I never told a soul about my findings.

  * * *

  I was up bright and early the next morning and the first thing I did was look at my cell phone. I wasn’t really surprised there was nothing from Ella. It was early days. I was still disappointed though, but I didn’t say a word to Robbie when he arrived in time for coffee. Instead I filled his mug and told him I was going to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies later on, so not to bring any cakes tomorrow.

  “Whatever will you do when next door is finished and there’s no one to have coffee with?” he teased.

  “I’ll make friends with my new neighbors,” I told him. Then I explained the family connection to the Trayners.

  .

  * * *

  I was on my way to the nursing home to see Grandma when he called out to me from the house next door. It was a hive of industry by now, with workmen coming and going, and trucks churning up the grass verge beside the house as bricks and cement were delivered. I waved to him, thinking he was just saying hello, but when he waved his arms more frantically I realized he wanted me to stop.

  We met at the garden gate and after he had made a fuss of Leah, who now appeared to regard him as one of the family, he turned to me with a smile. “I thought you’d like to know that the Trayners are flying in from the States on Thursday and travelling down to Mapleby at the weekend.”

  I felt a burst of excitement. Something was happening. I know it sounds fanciful but I could feel it in the air and it filled me with so much energy that I arrived at the nursing home forty minutes before Ma was due instead of the half-an-hour I’d allowed myself.

  Grandma was sitting in her usual chair by the window. I went and found a nurse and asked if it would be okay to take her outside for a while. She nodded. “Wait a moment and I’ll get someone to help you. The fresh air will do her good. Make sure she keeps warm though.”

  Five minutes later Grandma, Leah and I were out on the terrace at a spot where there was a view through the railings. Lined up below us were parked cars and I could see someone trying to maneuver a red Volvo into a narrow space in the middle of the row. As views went it left a lot to be desired but I had chosen the spot in the hope it might trigger Grandma’s memory of the lawns and the river that had once been there because I was sure she must have played at Riverside House when she was a little girl. I gave her time to orientate herself and then I asked her.

  It took her so long to answer that I thought she was having one of those bad days when nothing seemed to fix itself in her head. She wasn’t though and when she finally spoke her voice sounded younger, as if she was back in her childhood.

  “We used to fish for minnows,” she said. “There was a river then, and grass, and we used to fish for minnows.

  The excitement I’d felt earlier returned. “Who else was with you?” I asked.

  “Aunt Sarah and Harry and Grace. Aunt Celia as well, and the new baby. Uncle Robert used to come too when he was feeling well enough.”

  “Why was Uncle Robert poorly?”

  She shrugged as she replied in her little girl voice. “He didn’t like noise because of the guns he heard when he was a soldier. We always had to be quiet when he was with us.”

  “And did you mind being quiet?”

  “Harry did, but I didn’t, and nor did Grace, because we always caught more minnows when he came too. He knew where to find them you see. Nobody else did.” Her voice held all the contempt of a small child.
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  I was searching for another question when she spoke again and this time there were bubbles of laughter in her voice as she lifted her shaky old hand and pointed. “Look, he’s wearing his silly hat again, the one with the feathers in it.”

  I looked and saw him too. He was tall and very thin, and although his hair was hidden beneath a cloth hat that was sporting an assortment of fishing flies, I could tell it was very dark. His eyes were bright blue and luminous with laughter as he listened to the chattering of the small children skipping and running beside him. As Grandma and I watched, they all made their way down to the river and that was when Ma and Rebecca arrived.

  The sound of their voices jolted us back to the present. I didn’t care though because I had seen Robert, and apart from the thinness and the hollows beneath his cheeks, which were probably the result of his wartime experiences, he looked exactly as I had imagined he would. He was the image of his father, that dashing young man in the photo, the one who had turned the heads of all the village girls at a cricket match so long ago. He had the same upright figure and, despite his laughter, the same of determined mouth. He also looked so much like my Robbie Parker that I determined to destroy the one photo we had of him as soon as I possibly could.

  I wondered if Arthur had ever suspected he wasn’t his own flesh and blood but, even if he had, I knew without any doubt that he would have pushed the thought away and refused to allow it to destroy the life he had with Rose. For a moment I despised him for his weakness, then I realized it was love not weakness that would have kept him silent. I turned to Ma and my sister. They had their backs to me as they bent to kiss Grandma. She looked at me over Ma’s shoulder, and although I can still hardly believe it, I swear she winked at me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The next couple of days were uneventful apart from the fact that I couldn’t get enough of Daniel and, although I didn’t deserve it, he couldn’t get enough of me. I’m not going to share what went on between us once Leah was asleep though, because there are limits. Besides, a lot of other things were about to happen and when I was at home on my own I spent most of my time preparing for them.