Remembering Rose (Mapleby Memories Book 1) Read online

  We did as we were told and it was nice and cozy. Although it was late spring, the evenings were still chilly so the warmth was very welcome. Someone had recently put a log on the fire and orange and purple sparks were reflected in the dark shiny wood of the table. I sat on the bench and Daniel took the chair and we looked at one another. It felt odd to be out on our own after so long, and odder still to be tongue-tied. We were though. Daniel because he was still worried that if he said the wrong thing I’d snap his head off, and me because the only thing I wanted to talk about was the woman I had seen by Leah’s crib, and talking about her was strictly off limits. I still hadn’t let myself think about her. I was saving it for later, when I was on my own.

  Not knowing what to say didn’t matter, however, because in less than a minute a man came over. He was tall and thin and his hands were knobby with arthritis. I noticed them when he pulled a handful of coins from his pocket and put them on the table. “Buy yourself and your young lady a drink, my boy.” His voice was rich and plummy and completely at odds with his down-at-heel appearance.

  Without looking at the coins, which were not nearly enough for two drinks, Daniel smiled at him. “Thank you very much, Mr. Cullen.”

  “It’s the least I can do because where would we all be without the village shop,” the old man said. Then, with a brief nod in my direction, he shuffled back to his solitary half-pint of lager.

  I gave Daniel one of my beady looks. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “He’s an old man, Rachel, and he doesn’t have anyone to look out for him.”

  “Except Saint Daniel,” I knew I was being bitchy but I couldn’t stop myself. Didn’t want to stop myself. “How much does he actually owe you?”

  “Not enough to make a fuss about. His pension didn’t quite cover his groceries last month so I told him he could settle up later.”

  “Instead of which he pretends to buy you a drink,” I said, pushing the coins towards him so hard that one tipped off the table onto the floor.

  Daniel bent down and retrieved it. When he sat up again his eyes were sad. “His pride is all he has left, Rach.”

  “And pride will be all we have left if you carry on giving away our stock.”

  It was an old argument but one we hadn’t had recently because I’d been too preoccupied with Leah and my own inner devils. Now I was feeling better I was quite capable of dredging up all my past grievances though, and I would have done if Tom hadn’t arrived with my drink and a message from Ella. He said she had just phoned to say she couldn’t make it after all but she would be down soon. She had sent her love and told him to tell me she was looking forward to catching up.

  I smiled and said all the right things because I knew how much he was hurting, even though he pretended it was fine that she had let him down yet again.

  When Ella finished training as a make-up artist she had taken a temporary job in a nail bar and joked about how she was waiting for her big chance. When it finally arrived in the shape of a job on a film set, my free manicures stopped. What I hadn’t expected was that our friendship would stop too. Well not stop exactly, more fade away. I mean how could I compete with someone who worked with celebrities every day and got to travel across the globe? Spag bol washed down with a couple of glasses of cost price wine at my kitchen table didn’t really cut it, so it wasn’t long before we were down to Christmas and birthday cards, and pretend hugs on the few occasions we actually did meet.

  Of course I had Daniel and Leah whereas Ella was still single, and as far as I could tell, fancy free, although for all I knew she was shacked up with some gorgeous celebrity and he was the reason she didn’t come home any more.

  Anyway, Tom’s determination not to let us see how miserable he actually was, did the trick. Instead of being angry with one another, Daniel and I talked about Ella for the rest of the evening, and about what it must be like to work in film studios and on location in some of the most exotic places on earth. Actually I did most of the talking and Daniel did most of the listening but as that’s how it’s always been, except for the few weeks I was ill, it took us back to the years before Leah, the years when we couldn’t get enough of one another, the years when the stockroom behind the shop sometimes saw activity we should have saved for the bedroom. For the first time in a long time I looked at Daniel, actually properly looked at him, and what I saw made my heart buck hard against my ribs.

  Daniel’s eyes locked with mine as he drained his glass and I knew his heart was racing too. It has always been the same with us, a look or a touch sparking a sudden need that is both scary and wonderful at the same time. Scary, because wanting another human being so much makes me fearful about a future without him, and wonderful because…well, it just is.

  Without a word he held out his hand and I took it. He had already paid Tom, so we slipped out without saying goodbye, using the side door so we could avoid walking through the bar and having to stop to speak to people we knew. It felt like the times we had sneaked away from our friends before we were married, knowing they wouldn’t notice until it was time for another round of drinks, and knowing, when they did, that we would be the butt of a few ribald remarks before they returned to more important topics like football, music, or the latest reality show on TV.

  When we reached the old willow tree on the edge of the village green we pushed past the branches that droop to the ground and slid into the dark, hidden space behind. We couldn’t see a thing, but it wasn’t important. Touch was enough, and words.

  “I’ve missed this,” Daniel whispered as he slid his hands beneath my bulky sweater and tried to unhook my bra.

  I stopped his mouth with a kiss as I moved his hands round to the front because I was still wearing a nursing bra. Elegant and sexy it wasn’t but it did the job, and it was clear that Daniel was turned on by my fuller curves. I blush when I think what might have happened in the shadow of the willow tree if my milk hadn’t decided to come in because, whatever my maternal deficiencies, lack of breast milk wasn’t one of them, something I proved as I pressed my body against his. With a sigh he pulled my sweater down and took my hand. “Come on, let’s go home. Leah’s waiting for you.”

  I’m ashamed to say I’d completely forgotten about Leah but she hadn’t forgotten me. We could hear her crying before we unlocked the door and she was red with fury when Ma handed her to me. “I’m sorry, we should have come home sooner,” I apologized as Leah latched hungrily onto my leaking breast.

  Although she didn’t say anything I could tell Ma was irritated and I understood why. After years of child-rearing and then helping out with too many grandchildren, the one thing she enjoyed was a quiet evening in front of the TV, a glass of wine in one hand and the remote control in the other. I kissed her cheek and then left Daniel to walk her and Pa to the door with more apologies. When he came back he stood and watched Leah and me for a moment, then he gave me a slow smile, the old sexy Daniel smile that did things to my pulse rate.

  “I’ll be in bed,” he said.

  I didn’t need to answer.

  Neither of us had reckoned on Leah though. She was usually so sleepy when she had her late night feed that I could put her back in her crib the moment she finished. Not this time. I had kept her waiting for so long that she refused to cooperate, plus her crying jag had given her hiccups. It took me ages to settle her, and when I finally crept from the nursery into the bedroom Daniel was asleep.

  I stood and looked at him. He was lying on his front with his head turned away from me and one arm hanging over the side of the bed. The moonlight filtering in through the gap in the curtains painted silver stripes on his bare skin. He is beautiful, my husband, and part of me wanted to touch him, to wake him up and kiss him again, and do all the other things that we so nearly did under the willow tree. I didn’t though. I told myself it was because it was late and he needed to be at the shop early for deliveries, but I was lying. It was because I was angry, angry that he’d fallen asleep while I was wrestling with Leah, angry t
hat he hadn’t been able to stay awake for me.

  I threw off my clothes and kicked them across the room. Then I climbed into bed and lay ramrod straight as far away from Daniel as possible. Ridiculous I know because he was fast asleep and oblivious. Then, because I was wide awake and alone with my thoughts, I did what I’d been putting off all day, I thought about the woman I’d seen beside Leah’s crib that morning.

  Despite everything, I hadn’t wavered in my belief that she was real even though Daniel hadn’t seen her when she was standing right in front of him. I knew it made no sense and something else was bugging me too. Although I had been too frightened to take in much about her, I had still registered she was different. What was it? Her hair, her dress, the way she moved? I rolled my head from side to side on the pillow, trying to recall how she looked. Then, when I remembered, I sat bolt upright. It was everything. She had been wearing the sort of clothes I’ve only ever seen in history books; a long gray skirt with some sort of wide ribbon around the hem, and a white blouse with a high collar and long sleeves, and her dark hair had been twisted into an old-fashioned loose knot on the top of her head.

  I almost woke Daniel until I remembered how he had looked right through her and then called Ma and Dr. Gove. No, I couldn’t tell Daniel anything about her; not how she looked, nor how she had smiled at me, nor how she had…I suddenly went hot and cold all over as it hit me. Her funny little wave of farewell had very definitely said she would be back. I knew it as sure as if she had spoken to me. What I didn’t know was why. What did she want from me? If it was Leah then I was going to have to persuade Daniel, and Ma and Dr. Gove that she was real and that we should talk to the police.

  I lay back down again and stared at the gap in the curtains as I tried to work it out. The moon had been replaced by a pale gray sliver of light that told me dawn wasn’t far off. I needed to grab at least a couple of hours sleep before Leah woke up or I’d be exhausted by lunchtime. I closed my eyes and started to count. Breath in for four… pause… breathe out for four… pause. It worked, eventually, and just before I drifted off I sent silent thanks to the nurse at Dr. Gove’s surgery who had thrust a leaflet into my hand as I was leaving one day, and told me the local yoga class would do more for me than all the pills I was popping.

  Chapter Three

  Daniel was up, showered and dressed before I woke the following morning. He smiled down at me as I stretched and opened my eyes, screwed them up against the sunlight bursting in through the window, and shut them tight again.

  “Hello, sleepyhead. All that crying wore Leah out last night. She’s still dead to the world.”

  I wished he hadn’t used the word dead, not when I still didn’t know what the mystery woman wanted. With an effort I kept my voice casual as I hitched myself up and took the mug of tea he was holding out to me. “You’ve been in to see her then?”

  “Of course I have, just like I do every morning. She’s fine.” He sat on the bed, his face creased into a frown. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright today?”

  I forced a smile, even though the look on his face irritated the hell out of me. “Of course I am. What was yesterday evening all about if it wasn’t about me trying to get back to normal, even if you didn’t quite manage to stay the course?”

  It was a subtle dig but it was enough. He gave an embarrassed shrug “I was tired I guess, and Leah…well you know what Leah was like.”

  I knew only too well what Leah had been like because I’d been the one who’d sat with her for over an hour while he snored himself into oblivion in the next room. I decided not to pursue it though. “Maybe we’ll have more luck next time,” I said in a bright and breezy voice, and then I drank my tea.

  * * *

  I stayed in bed until I heard the door slam and the roar of the ignition as Daniel put our battered old estate car into gear. As soon as its wheels bit into the gravel I got up, and with a fast beating heart tiptoed into the nursery.

  Leah was lying on her back with her head turned to one side. Her hair was a curly brown halo against the white sheet. I stared down at her, willing her to stay asleep for just a little longer so I could have a few more moments alone. With my big family all living locally, and our shop only two miles away in the centre of the village, I don’t get much time on my own. Not that it usually bothers me but today I wanted some time to think and I wouldn’t be able to do that once Leah was awake, nor when Ma called to check up on me as she was bound to do, or when Daniel phoned halfway through the morning on some pretext even though we would both know it was because he was checking up on me too.

  Turning, I tiptoed out of the nursery, dropped my pajamas onto the floor beside the bed and walked naked into the bathroom. I showered quickly and then stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Apart from the blue milk veins in my breasts, what I saw wasn’t bad. Somehow, without even trying, I had regained my figure, so my waist was slender again and my hips about the same size they had always been. My legs are good too, thanks to Ma’s genes. Long and slim and cellulite free, they are probably my best feature.

  I let my gaze travel upwards. I’ve never thought of myself as pretty but I know that good teeth and a straight nose are definite assets, as are green eyes and long brown lashes. My hair is okay too. Nothing to write home about but it’s a pretty color, brown with some chestnut highlights and a natural curl. I keep it simple, the same as I keep my nails short, because I’ve never been a high maintenance sort of girl. I’m too practical for that, and too sporty. Well I was before Leah. Now a walk into the village had replaced my daily jog, and getting ready for my weekly yoga class took so much organization that I often felt like packing it in.

  With a sigh, I toweled my hair dry. I still looked more or less the same as I always had so why didn’t I feel the same? Had having Leah changed me in some undefinable way? Despite loving her so much I spent most of my life being angry. Ma said it was hormones but I didn’t believe her. There was more to it than that but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

  Wrapped in a towel I trailed back into the bedroom and began to get dressed. I was halfway into my jeans when I heard a noise behind me. Swinging round I caught sight of a long gray skirt swishing through the door into the nursery. Without bothering to pull on a sweater I leapt across the bed and pushed the door wide, my heart hammering in my chest and my hands clammy with fear. I don’t know what I expected to see but what I actually saw had me rooted to the spot. Leah was smiling up at the woman who, just like the previous morning, was leaning over her crib, only this time she was singing. I couldn’t hear a thing but Leah clearly could because she kept gurgling with toothless delight. More to the point, she looked just the way she did when I sang to her.

  It took me a moment to push the ridiculous feeling of jealousy from my mind. When I did, a mixture of fury and fear took over. “Why do you keep coming here?” I screeched, startling both of them, and making Leah cry.

  The woman shook her head reprovingly as she bent over Leah again and said something that soothed her into smiles even though tears were still trickling down her face. Then she straightened up and looked at me and her eyes were full of…what? Compassion, concern, interest? Although I couldn’t read her expression I knew, in that instant, that Leah was safe, and that I was too. Whoever this woman was, she wasn’t going to hurt us. I still wanted to know why she was here though, but before I could ask she switched on the mobile hanging above the crib, smoothed Leah’s curls with a hand as tender and gentle as mine is when I’m overcome with love for her, and then she left as she had come, through the doorway into the bedroom.

  Grabbing Leah, I followed her, but by the time we reached the bedroom, she had disappeared. I hurried to the window, expecting to see her walking away from the house but there was nobody there apart from John Tyler who used to sit next to me in school. He was leaning against the mail van smoking a cigarette. He saw me and waved. I put Leah on the bed while I pulled a sweater over my head, then picked her up again and m
ade for the front door.

  “Did you see a woman walk down the path just now?” I asked him as he dropped his cigarette butt and ground it out on the road with his foot.

  He shook his head. “Not a soul.”

  “And you’ve been here for how long?”

  He gave me an odd look. “As long as it takes to smoke a ciggie, Rachel. Are you okay?”

  I forced a smile because everyone around here knew I’d been ill and I didn’t want him talking to my mother when he delivered her mail. “I’m fine, thanks. It’s just that I’m expecting someone and I thought I heard a knock on the door while I was getting dressed.”

  He shrugged. “Must have been the wind. It’s blowing up today. If you’re thinking of going out, you’d better make it this morning because a storm is coming in later.”

  I thanked him and closed the door, wondering as I did so how many more lies I would have to tell before I discovered who the woman was.

  I talked to Leah while I spooned stewed apple into her ever open mouth and then pushed up my sweater so she could guzzle milk until she was full. “Who is she, sweetheart?” I asked her. “And what does she want?”

  Leah’s only answer was a resonant burp that seemed much too big for such a small body. Then, of course, the inevitable happened, and I needed to change her diaper. After that I washed her face, dressed her and put her in her stroller. Then, ignoring the clothes on the floor and the unmade bed, I raked a finger through my own curls, brightened my face with lip gloss and mascara, and, slamming the door behind me, set off for the village.

  I inhaled deeply as a playful breeze blew the scent of wild garlic into my nostrils. It was too nice a day to stay indoors doing housework. Besides, I had a plan.

  * * *

  Daniel was nowhere to be seen when I pushed open the door to the shop and maneuvered Leah inside. Instead, Millie Carter was standing behind the counter, bold as brass. She smiled when she saw me, that spiteful little smile that nobody else ever sees and which started on the day Daniel asked me to dance with him instead of her at the local disco.